However, in other areas of the country, it is rude and offensive to give money as a gift. I have had to figure out what is appropriate for weddings I have attended in different places. It can get tricky. Furthermore, depending on where you live will also decipher the price tag of a wedding. I got married in June , and my wedding cost about k.
Not sure if anyone on this board is familiar with North NJ but large backyards are not very common. So having a backyard wedding was not something that would be accommodating or manageable my parents house is on. So in looking for a wedding venue the prices ranged from per person. We only had guest at our wedding and it was really perfect. I had a wedding because I got to marry the most lovely man in the world, so for us, the wedding was this amazing great party, but it was just the tip of the iceberg, because after it was over we knew we are lucky to spend our lives together!!
I guess really its about respecting others and judging them without knowing anything about their choices. Again, well said. No ones business what someone else spends. Some of the more judgemental comments on here are really uninformed. Maybe the bride and groom donated a lot of money to charity, maybe they helped out other family members during a crisis.
My wedding, like most was in the middle of super budget deal and gala movie event. One of the funnier things I have found about this endless thread is that the people posting to it seems to be at those ends of the spectrum more often than not. I think better wine out of box and good old American beer then buy your own soda let alone alcohol so the big poofy dress can be purchased at 1K instead of bucks. I think when you send out invites that cost 5 bucks a piece but have a cake only reception at PM, you have your priorities wrong. I have seen ALL of that at weddings where people could not really afford what they were doing and cut corners on the their guests.
Believe me, people want dinner not an overpriced invite that lands in the trash for all but your dearest friends and closest family. Best wedding I went to in the past few years was in a park with homemade picnic food, done by the family and beer and wine. The bride and groom wore their ren fest costumes.
It was a blast! Whether you are having booze or not is beside the point. If you cannot afford alcohol do not serve it. It will be fine without it. It looks awful to ask someone to pay for a drink at a party you are throwing, whatever the occasion. I believe it used to be 3 months salary. But are you by any chance E. On which planet? This is where the jobs are and the highest salaries remain. We are not including bankers. The time will come when they will be rounded up and marched off to jail.
They do not provide a service and will not be missed. Or were you joking? We have 3 children ,all grown. None of them fit your profile. My son has been working since high school and is now CEO of his own company. If and when he marries,she may have to buy her own. He has a reputation for being thrifty. What am I missing? Some super job at Safeway? I just wanted to say there are jobs that pay that much and more.
Of course not. Our family was never there to cheer us on which made it much worse. They called me lazy, stupid,etc. At some points in his career,he worked 2 jobs and I would cook and bring the kids into work and feed the staff with a family style picnic ,red plaid table cloth and all. I was also head of personel. But he was in a risky field. We closed,shifted to Cali,bought a house, then that company closed,and husband commuted for 6 years while I did it all.
We went into foreclosure election day Our house flooded the following year. We never unpacked the last boxes. I call it a lack of optimism. Our children were soft,but we were still tough. When our house flooded, I saw it as a blessing. Rats deserting a sinking ship.
Christmas,we had an empty house,concrete floor, no tree,gifts,food,decorations,family,nothing. A phone call might have been nice. Time was kind to them. Nobody wants to eat a couple of tough old birds so we hung on and made our 1st house payment on election Day The usual trial period is 3 months.
I hope you read that carefully. Why would you at least spend as much on a wedding as you spend on a single piece of jewelry? What a bunch of nonsense. Do yourself a favor and check out the wage distribution by education level, from the Bureau of Labor Statistics:. Before taxes. He had to drop out because,well-he was a horny little devil in the habit of making poor personal decisions. So when he felt love,he applied to USC which was 2, miles away.
He got a T. Still,he got a job with Deutsche Bank,became the youngest Director ever at Yahoo,quit,moved to Seattle,lived on his savings,and began his own company. He lasted 2 years and Google funded him this spring. His philosophy? Make money. My daughter, after 2 years on the job and the stipend from the U,makes that amount now.
The experts say all that is impossible. Will they have flashy weddings? Not a chance. It takes more than a decent salary to pay for those kinds of weddings. It takes more than 2 decent salaries. It takes a fortune. Oh well. This is enough to launch a small enterprise. How to have your cake and eat it too-literally.
When you get married you get taken for a ride. There was no problem with non-attendance by my friends or family including the heavy drinkers, some of whom had to travel quite a distance ; I did let folks know in advance by personal communication that no alcohol would be served for religious reasons, and no one had a problem with that.
That sounds lovely! I feel the same. I have heard of brides who are in tears the whole wedding day because they are so concerned that everything is perfect for their guests and photos. In the end, it is just a wedding. There should be no financial or etiquette pressure to it. It is a celebration. It can be celebrated however the couple feels like celebrating. Well said! You have an idea of what any occasion will be like usually before you go based on either the invitation, gossip, how well you know the hosts, etc. I do not care what any book says — you get to say you do not want gifts.
I no longer give gifts, actually. I give cards. They were intended, originally to help young people start up a household. Now days, couple often have so much stuff they have to donate things to charity just to have enough room to move in together. All these rules-who made them? What does that mean? If I buy them a monkey,I should just send it to the house?
I mail the gift in a box to their new home-where? A sari? A white gown?
A gown made out of a white sari? I hate crowds. Someone tell me what that means? It means they want cash money. I suggest finding an aunt or grandmother to crochet them some dishcloths or frilly doilies. No to both of you. So boring and dull and gray it was not to be believed. Who wants to give one dinner plate? If I screwed up,it was their directions. I picked items that were to my taste and not made in China,signed the guest book ,and shipping was painless. But Christilynn is right bought the cost for gusts. This one is in an upscale venue in San Francisco but it will take place over the span of 5 days.
We will just splurge a little. Driving home at midnight,for the 3rd time in a week was fun 30 years ago but not anymore. So I booked 2 nights in the hotel for the night before and the wedding night. We are family in this case and relatives will be flying in from India and Singapore and the East coast and possibly Australia. Just one. But yes, airfare or travel expenses and food plus misc,clothes, gifts,vacation time,it all adds up. Receptions are NOT for the couple.
The couple RECEIVES their guests who attended their ceremony, thanks them for attending the ceremony, is formally presented to society for the first time as a married couple. Hospitality food and drink is served to those who attended, since one never hosts a social function of any kind in this case, the ceremony without serving refreshments appropriate to the time of day.
Receptions are not, and never have been, an after-wedding party for the bride and groom. The parties for the couple are engagement parties, bridal showers and bachelor ette parties. It is therefore rude to ask the guests to pay for anything, or to bring food potluck to the reception. My wife and I had no wedding party at all, largely because of people like you. We went to the Courthouse. Our wedding planning consisted of scheduling a Friday off from work and buying the marriage license.
Because of this, my wife insisted on going to the courthouse and telling our parents afterwards. We had our day to ourselves. Neither one of us regrets getting married the way we did, either. I would have liked to have my parents there with us, but my wife was right about where it would have led to involve her family. And I do say. I will be enjoying cash bar weddings as I always have. And having one of my own. Heck, I would pay for my own food so long as it was affordable, and be graceful about it.
I attend a wedding to celebrate a union of people I love, not with the expectation of being catered to. This means you offer them refreshments appropriate to the time of day. You serve a full meal if the wedding falls during a traditional meal hour , or I DID get married in my backyard, and my wedding cost less than a thousand dollars. Music on CDs we mixed ourselves. Fifty guests.productadvisor.henkel.buildingonline.com/twentieth-century-theatre-a-sourcebook-a.php
The Frugal Bride
We DIYed our invitations. The wedding can be as formal or casual as the couple wishes, so long as proper etiquette is followed.
The capitalization is for emphasis, as in printed books. We had a cash bar at my wedding for a few reasons; the wedding we had was a small affair and it was a luncheon, it was at the edge of the Grand Canyon were we both worked, and we flew friends out on our own dime and gave one of them a lens. He shot our wedding and we also partied with them for the whole weekend. It was a great day. Mind you this was our second marriage; my first one was small; we got married at an art museum; had an all you could eat omelette party back at our apartment and people were crammed but it was fun.
We did have booze for that one but no-one touched it. AT ALL. The reception is definitely about the guests. Expecting people to attend a mid or late afternoon wedding, followed by dinner and then a dance, with only perhaps 1 small glass of wine and one of water with the meal, but nothing before or after is not an example of the hosts thinking of their guests. The hosts expecting guests to pay for beverages during a dance it gets hot! The host needs to at least provide water for free, preferably punch and coffee or other suitable beverages. The host is not only asking guests to share the cermony, they are inviting the guests to a reception a party and appropriate food and beverages for the time of day are required.
In mid afternoon, just punch and cake is sufficient — there is nothing about treating guests properly that requires huge amounts of money to be spent. Thinking you can cheat the guests — think again, they will remember it. I went to the wedding of a friend, ish guests, where the wedding was a 3 pm. We drove to the reception 20 min away, but dinner was not served until after 8 pm. There was no punch, no nothing before the meal. Not even a drinking fountain, only a cash bar, one bartender, and a line for it horribly long. The food, when finally served, was very cheap, and somewhat scant 1 small piece of chicken, hard crumbly bun, veg, pototo.
After dinner, same story, no free beverages whatsoever. There was a dance, it was hot! We left by 10 pm. It was not fun at all. I feel bad, the bride is my friend. I feel she wanted the look of a big wedding with all the guests, limo, fancy dress, etc. There are solutions to the money issue if people are creative — totally neglecting guests is not, however, a solution. No limo, no video, no fancy chair covers insane , photos but not an expensive fancy photographer as is the fashion then and now.
Food — before the dinner there was a buffet of cut fruit, olives, etc. For dinner there was pulled beef, turkey, buns, au gratin pototoes, italian pasta salad, green beans, salad, sparkling cider, water, wine. I could have done fancy food, and kind of wanted to at first, but I knew it would mean cutting guests and I wanted all the family to be together more importantly. I still think I spent a ridiculous amount, but articles like this one make me think, well, maybe not! I agree with everything you said, A bride, but I will say something: I do think cash bars are regional, or maybe more specifically, they are more acceptable in certain parts of the country.
I live on Long Island, and I had never even heard of a cash bar. It is not done here. When we went to look for places for our own wedding, it was not given as an option — and we got price quotes from 5 different places. The options started with the type of liquor — for example, the price per head is more expensive if you choose top shelf liquor.
Now, I know that you can most likely request a cash bar, or no bar at all, at any catering hall if that is what you choose — but I have never, ever seen anything like that around here. However, in other area of the country where I have attended weddings, cash bars seem to be much more accepted.
So I do think it is regional.
The Frugal Bride | Wedding | Wedding expenses, Wedding planning tips, Wedding
But I am with you — no guest, especially one who is traveling and then giving you a gift, should have to pay for their own food or drink. Fake flowers-tacky. Cash bar-regional,perhaps. I married a Hindu. My friends were all under 25 and few of them had finished school or moved out on their own. Wedding presents were not what I was expecting from them. Their obvious talents so far were folk song singing and friendship. Since the event was open to the entire, we added phone number to coordinate the items.
But I provided the majority of the food and it magically appeared thanks to my friends who must have known I was in a serious fog. It was simple. It was in step with the times. My religion frowned on ostentation or ritual. We just kept things simple. I like the High Tea idea for a wedding. Sounds very doable. Backyard barbecue-also a wonderful idea. It was fun. I hope you can say the same. If you had a hangover or a fight or threw up and cried because something was late,early,too small,big, loud, the wrong color,or broke,got lost, tore,dropped, whatever, then next time,have a a simpler one.
Look-they say the economy is going to get worse before it gets better. It looks like rain to me. I am from a small farm town in nys…not ny city… When my husband and I got married we were 25 and still paying for his college and living in a mobile home until we could get the down payment to start building our own home. We catered summer parties for a side job. Our wedding was in our local church and my 8 bridesmaids each carried one rose….
I had a bouquet. My bridesmaids and I made all of the side dishes the 2 days before the wedding, all sitting around a kitchen laughing and enjoying each others company. The groomsmen cooked the bbq chicken on big cookers the day of the wedding. My church and reception flowers were all of the peonies our families could find in the area we planned around this season. Our cake was a small one made by an aunt and homeade strawberry shortcake made by my mol. Our friend took pictures and they turned out wonderful. Sometimes a lot of really good, artistic, and loving friends and family is all you really need to make a special day!!
A potluck reception? Paper in the invitations about gift information? Weddings are supposed to be a happy time. Wealthy brides also feed their guests properly, so they should know. My silk hydrangeas cost three times as much as fresh ones and they were gorgeous. A problem in the US today is the glamorization of celebrities, weddings, McMansions, and other non-essential things.
There is no wedding frill that will improve your marriage. What happened to wedding cake, punch and coffee and sandwiches in the church hall in the afternoon? When did bachelorettes get started? I never heard of those until about fifteen years ago. Some couples are even urged to start registries to get their guests to pay for their honeymoons, or hold fundraiser parties to help cover the cost of their weddings. Couples who elope, or married quickly due to pregnancy or military deployments are having re-dos months or years later, complete with white dresses and bridal showers.
My wife and I went to the courthouse and got married, with a courthouse staffer as our witness. I know quite a few couples who threw lavish weddings, and were divorced before the wedding bills were paid. My future husband and I are choosing to elope and have a reception afterwards. However, we both have a lot of people who love us and he comes from a well to do family. I have shared my heart about not spending a lot of money when we can utilize that money in other places.
He has agreed that it is alright with him to be simple in costs. Everyone is entitled to spend what they want on their wedding day but from different posts on various sites that I have read, those who kept theirs simple was able to enjoy the intimacy of their day as people commented on the specialness of the ceremony versus those who had lavish ceremonies and only had people talking about how decorated and lovely the venue s are were.
Now I see why some celebrities are so simple on their special day. That stuff is only average according to wedding magazines who are in the business of selling weddings and all of their overpriced crap. But it need not be. There are plenty of couples who spend a lot on their weddings who go on to have happy, solid marriages, and who value their family and friends just as much as those who spend little money do,, just as there are couples who spend a lot of their wedding who are just interested in showing off.
There are all types, and sweeping generalizations are almost never true. I also understand frustration with the expectation that one must spend a lot of money on a wedding — that must be obnoxious. Your wedding is one day which will be the fastest day of your life by the way.
I should clarify. And your mother as well. And how many children do they have? We hosted concerts in our home because we were willing to remove the furniture and cook 10 or 12 dishes on 2 days notice. We did this at our own expense. We did it once or twice a month. Can you imagine being held to your ridiculous guest standards? People were treated to restaurant quality Indian dinners with a fish, a chicken and a lamb dish, lentils of some variety, chutney-home made, pickles, appetizers, breads, salads, 2 or 3 home made desserts, and a variety or vegetable curries.
No one asked for alcohol. Some could barely move as it is. Literally-when she eats her first rice. We had guests. The horoscope decided the day. We had moved into the house 3 days before and it was being remodeled. The electricity went off at one point. I had to borrow 5 grills and even with 6 we were grilling Tandoori chicken from 6 am till noon. I estimated pieces of chicken. We lived in a beautiful 4, sq ft house with an atrium on an acre and a quarter. The new deck had been built. The new hardwood floors were in. We left blankets out for people to sit on and the family room and dining room doors open for people to wander in and out or grab a chair.
We had moved from a development across the way and 4 houses up so they were all invited too. But if one of the kids wants a back yard wedding, I stand at the ready. But they will decide what they want. I doubt Booze will be the first item on the must have list however.
Is it because the couple focus on the wedding and not the marriage? If you dreamed of your fairytale wedding all your life, perhaps the focus should be in dressing up and playing, Marriage is not a game and the commitment should not be taken lightly. As everybody says, how much one spends on their wedding is their own business. But I struggle to understand how a couple who rents or maybe own a small house and have average paying jobs can afford to pay a 30k wedding. Given it would be my own business, it would just be tasteless.
And not to mention: if your wedding is a big party for a lot of people meaning more than 20 , then you need to worry about those people and if they are having fun. If you dont care about them being annoyed at having to buy their own drinks, or about them eating decent food, then dont even bother to invite them. Whatever your budget, make it work for the best party for the number of people you can afford.
Dont throw a guests wedding on a budget because thats just recipe for disaster, or ask your friends to do things like cook at your wedding or take photos because you are too cheap to hire a photographer, they will end up resenting you. If you dont consider pictures important enough to hire a photographer, then dont have pictures taken. If flowers and adornments mean nothing to you, then dont waste money in fake flowers or cheap dollar store china, just go without. Dont have money for a nice meal for people? Either go with a nice meal for 50, or have a wedding where no food is served but tell your guests, I was recently at a wedding where no food was served and nobody knew so after 30 minutes we all left to go eat.
Trying to stay on a low budget and still wanting everything out of a wedding will just have your friends and family label you cheap and talk about how awful your wedding was. Is that what you want? If your answer is you dont care about those comments from people, then you shouldnt have invited them to begin with. If you invite them, take good care of them. Hazel-Fairy tales have happy endings and then there are the ones with big bad witches. I hope yours has a super happy ending because you already know the value of what you have so whether you toast with Moet Chandon or Sparkling Cider, the spirit will be heartfelt.
My husband this oct. Everyone dreams of a fairy tale wedding,he has his life,we have each other and we are a priceless love affair only needing each other. Be sure to keep loving each other people and remember that money could go to a house, a college fund, or any other more rational and tangible thing. Thank you for sharing that — I have tears in my eyes — I wish you a long, happy marriage. How do I know? I supported a child from age 3 till here marriage.
My mother-in-law was dying so we flew to Kolkata to be with her. The details would shock you. If they are open. As for an IV stand? Not available. The neighbors were gobsmacked when my husband bent a wire hanger and hung it from a hook on the wall. So there we were- M-I L,my husband,me,a full-time maid,and 3 nurses,in a tiny 2 bedroom flat. Typical of India,visitors came to visit all day long,bringing good wishes and stay for a half hour, reminisce, and move on.
She was old and frail and dying. But the people around her kept her cheered. Money solves nothing. She died by the time we landed in the U. The Dr. It was money well spent. It was a sweet time. India is a difficult place to live-not occasionally,but on a daily basis. We spent what we had. Young couples need a helping hand. I feel sorry rich newlyweds that start out with crystal and sterling ware. They have nowhere to go but down. No funny stories. No making do. I disagree. My husband and I started out with crystal and sterling silver. How marvelous? What do you have to conquer?
You have it all and life is perfect. What could go wrong? Any brides or grooms out there chuckling as hard as I am? Do both of you earn to maintain this lifestyle? Or both. Or the company could fold. Or you could move to a better job and lose it before you even move into your new house. You want a family? You could be barren. Or nature could fool you and surprise-triplets,one with severe health problems. Or you have 2 normal children but they are normal teens and you are not ready for normal teens with pierced noses and a slight meth habit who refuse to go to class.
May 30, The Frugal Bride. Now, more than ever, it makes sense to be penny-wise, and Cindy outlines smart, stylish choices. Cynthia shows us that frugal can be fun! Using these ideas you can still have the wedding of your dreams—and no one will know you saved money, too! I wanted my wedding to be beautiful and classic but also uniquely us.
I had a lot of wedding books that I had bought or had been given, and they all pretty much said the same things. However, The Frugal Bride was, thankfully, much different! Fill the room with candles to up the romance factor and cut flower costs. Add depth by mixing tall candelabras and short glasses with tea lights. Take an organic approach and create centerpieces using fresh fruit. Set lemons, oranges, or apples in a dish with flower petals, or go glam and paint some of the fruit gold. Ask your florist to use plastic containers instead of glass.
They come in a variety of shapes, sizes, and colors — even metallic — and guests won't know the difference. Florists can get discounts by ordering just three to five types of flowers in bulk. Create a chic, uniform centerpiece by grouping together monochromatic blooms in individual vases — for example, one of white hydrangeas, another of white tulips, and another of white calla lilies. Pick affordable, atypical varietals like spider mums, fennel flowers, or hosta flowers.
Display in large groups for high impact. Have your florist create a few statement arrangements that guests will drop dead over instead of spreading your budget thin with many smaller florals they'll walk right past. Focus on areas where they'll congregate, like the bar and the dance floor. You need only two or three large blooms with a little bit of filler to create bridesmaids' bouquets that are minimalist cool — and 50 bucks cheaper apiece. Downside: You have to send it back. Follow bridal salons on social media to catch promotions like 10 percent off your gown, 20 percent off jewelry, or a free veil with gown purchase.
Buy your dress at a sample sale for a retail markdown of 20 to 90 percent. Most occur before or after Bridal Market in late spring and early fall, but even if a sale's not happening, ask if the boutique has any samples you can buy. Chances are, some gowns have already been set aside for the next one. Choose a less-expensive package that doesn't include hard-copy prints and albums.
You can always buy them later. Book the photographer for only eight to ten hours instead of a full day 12 to 14 hours. Seek out new talent! Seasoned photographers can often recommend someone up-and-coming, who's likely more affordable. Most out-of-town guests want something to eat, drink, or use in the hotel room. A small scented candle doesn't break the bank and is easy to bring back home.
Instead of passing out late-night food and favors, combine the two and serve warm cookies to guests as they leave the reception. Choose an off-peak day. A Friday wedding will save you thousands on the venue and on your weekday rehearsal dinner. Even better: A Sunday wedding. Host your ceremony and reception at the same venue or at two places within walking distance of each other. Reuse ceremony chairs at the reception. You may have to pay a moving fee, but it will still be cheaper than ordering twice as many seats.
If you want a lounge-like setting for cocktails, ask to borrow sofas, chairs, or tables from other rooms in the venue instead of renting furniture. Use disposable bamboo plates for apps and dessert. Verterra makes quality dishes that cost 50 cents each, plus they're eco-friendly.
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To cut staffing costs, consider a buffet. If you're getting married in a major city, try booking a less-expensive caterer based in a nearby suburb who's willing to travel for your event. Eliminate labor-intensive specialty foods like sushi rolls, which require more staff to prepare. Save thousands by serving a signature drink during cocktail hour and only beer and wine at dinner. Your guests want gin; they don't need Bombay Sapphire to be happy. If you plan on having kids at your wedding, ask if their meals are discounted. Order late-night snacks for only 70 percent of your head count.
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